People who reject others do so in the spur of the moment, it’s a pride thing, because they can. But many times these people come back and want to restore the relationship, often times hours too late. If you watched Tyler Perry’s movie, “Why did I get married” (2007), then I imagine your best moment was when Sheila (Jill Scott) ditched the abusive Mike (Richard T. Jones) for sheriff Troy (Lamman Rucker). But the real meat in the soup, is when the four couples meet at Patricia’s book award ceremony and her ex-husband Mike, although still with Trina, is very jealous of Sheila’s newfound bliss and tries to weasel his way back into her good graces, because he can!
Overcoming rejection depends on how quickly you allow the pain and hurt to play in your mind and spirit. The faster and further you shift from them, the quicker you will rise up. Remember no matter how or what you do, at some point and time, someone will reject you. It’s what happens after the rejection that matters, because it opens a new direction for your life, a way you had never seen before. Rejection in a way then, acts as an emotional overhaul, a trigger, that sets you thinking with your head once again, a stimuli that sets you dreaming again once you get yourself placed again, you are better and more focused, more caring, more loving.
This is where your strong self comes in, with an attitude “if you can’t put up with who I am I’m sorry I can’t help it!” That is their problem! Refuse to allow people to drag you down with them; you are far too good for them.
John Powell in his book “Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am” asserts; “I’m afraid to tell you who I am because if I tell you who I am you won’t like and that is all I got”. In other words, I cannot open up to you, because I’m afraid you will reject me if you really get to know me. I can’t tell you where I come from, because you may reject me. Powell discusses the rejection problem the fear of rejection; the fear of reprisals from the people we care for, we want to belong but when our sense of belonging is challenged, we feel left out…rejected.
I heard a young high school girl give this testimony years ago;” I just wanted to feel loved; the feeling of being dumped was far beyond what I could manage. So when months later he came back to me I assumed life was going to be different but no, he used me and dumped me yet again, only this time round I am expecting his baby- but I’m still standing!”
A business executive was asked to leave from an organization he helped start, by the other partners citing irreconcilable differences. This was most unexpected, although there was bad blood for some time, he never thought it could end up this way. But this was not a battle he could win, so he took it graciously. Unknown to him the partners had bad mouthed him in the industry and even though he was very successful in what he did and had a track record in the organization, he never could find an organization to hire him. Every place he visited he was treated with such coldness – rejection in every quarter. Yet he never gave up, he refused to be broken. That was his weapon against rejection.
If we can develop our self worth and view ourselves with more worth than others do, when we learn to appreciate ourselves from within, then it really does not matter if we are rejected because we care for us. Dr. Tom Stevens in his book “Beyond Fear of Rejection and Loneliness” suggests,” Seek out people who can contribute most to your overall happiness and support your being the person you want to be. Many of these people will be similar to the type of person you really want to be. Avoid spending too much time with people who take away from being that kind of person”. He further suggests, “Focus on your actions not their reactions. An important lesson about anxiety is that when we focus on external outcomes that are beyond our immediate control, we give up control of our emotions and will begin to feel anxious and helpless”.
Rejection is warfare and the enemy would like to corner you in that rejection, humiliate you, embarrass you, and ridicule you. Now rejection brings with it fear and a fearful person is not a worthy opponent for a fair fight. However, people who walk away and out of your life do not break you, you choose to be broken when you accept the lie that you are ruined and without them you don’t have a life. It’s a lie similar to the lie Eve got at the garden, very enticing but a lie. The truth is when people walk away; they inadvertently give you an opportunity to begin again, to seek more genuine friends and relationships, to be more honest and sincere to yourself, to allow you see and to genuinely appreciate yourself.