Rejection, Part I

The Manhattans in 1976 performed one of the greatest farewell love songs, of my generation, “Kiss and Say Goodbye”. The song’s lyrics persuade my imagination to paint a picture of a distraught and fatigued woman sitting on a bench, overlooking the park, in an early evening. She is unhappy and sobs almost uncontrollably as the breeze mockingly slaps her face blowing her hair wildly from her face. Dry stains of tears are evident in her face and the redness of her eyes reveals she has been crying, for a long time. She does not pay attention to her surroundings and seems to ignore this tall masculine macho man nonchalantly standing in front of her. He places his hand on her back, more formally than romantically and then speaks to her in a deep mellow voice,

“This has got to be the saddest day of my life. I called you here today for a bit of bad news. I won’t be able to see you anymore because of my obligations, and the ties that you have. We’ve been meeting here every day and since this is our last day together I wanna hold you just one more time. When you turn and walk away, please don’t look back…I wanna remember you just like this, let’s just kiss and say goodbye.”

Rejection is the blunt termination of a relationship; after finding or having no more use for it. The dictionary specifically defines rejection as the act; to refuse to have, to refuse to grant, to discard as useless or unsatisfactory and many other negative verbs. Rejection does not have to be as dramatic as The Manhattans sang; it can be non-verbal by denying rights previously allowed, or communicated through writing. The bad news is no rejection is passionate, but the good news is rejection does not have to break you.

Rejection is hard to accept regardless of where it comes from – family, friends, peers or colleagues and adversely alters a person’s behavior. The rejected person withdraws and convinces him/herself that everyone who knows them now knows that they’ve been rejected. Untrue statements such as, “I can’t get a friend anymore, I am worthless, I’m not good enough for anybody, now everyone knows my secrets, I can’t get a friend any more, and so on”… flash through their minds causing unnecessary hurt and worries.

Rejection is like a cannon ball and no matter how prepared one is; it still leaves a trail of destruction where it hits. Most people fail to realize their ability to handle rejection, as they recover from the pain and hurting, the mortifying effects of rejection; its disastrous as emotions shift and rationalism is thrown through the window. The “happy moments” video replays whenever the mind needs a filler to occupy time. An idle mind becomes the best channel for replays, making the journey back longer and hurtful.

Relationships take a long time to harvest and to nature. To watch it grow, the visits, the games, the movies, the fellowships, the family treats, the…happy moments. They all form that ‘gem’ we call trust in a relationship, over time and when the walls are broken one is left in the cold, it’s hard to accept that reality. What, however, most people fail to realize is they have the same energy, same focus, same time to invest in another relationship, what people fail to realize is when people reject them and walk away, a grand new opportunity emerges to start again, maybe this time with better friends, better! What people fail to realize is, those people who rejected them were probably not good enough for them.

The greatest danger in rejection is the feeling within, and how you interpret the actions you saw or words you heard. It’s like tripping and falling on a walkway. You don’t just sit there and mourn your falling; You rise up so fast as you can. Don’t then judge yourself too harshly over why you were rejected. You do not always encounter rejection because you did something, some people may not like you and they will always misinterpret what you say or do. Allow such people to take a hike from your life, you will be much freer, and happier!

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